Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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