woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
