Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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