So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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