Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
