Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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