Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
