Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
