this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Boobs speak an international language.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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