He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
