And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
