I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
