i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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