I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
