rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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