Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
