I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
