I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
