I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
