Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
