If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
