ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
