My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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