with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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