you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
