sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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