I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
