yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
