i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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