I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
