There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
