We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
