The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
