I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
