the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
