Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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