I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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