I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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