Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
