Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
