I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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