just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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