Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My life is pants optional.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
