return my video game
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
