her facebook's as public as her vagina
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
