she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
