Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize