I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
