apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
