tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just cut my nipple shaving
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
