that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
tell me about the eggs
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