Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
