So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
