what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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