do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize