just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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