I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
