maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
