Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
