wanna go halves on a baby?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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