didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
