I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
