i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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