I think my fart just growled at me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
