3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
