guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize