I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
