Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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