Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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