Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
