Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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