I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
