i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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