Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
