Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
