I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
