My hand turned me down
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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