I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
