I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
