Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
