hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
