wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
