my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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