My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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