Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
