I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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