U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
