I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize