This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
