Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
