Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize