There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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