So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
