Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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