she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
