found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
