I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
