Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
