So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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