the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
