If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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