Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
