my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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