I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize