you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
