theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
