Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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