Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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