I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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