we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
