just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
