I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
