Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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