I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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