Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
